August 31, 2010

A little reminder for you, and me.

(via reachfromthesky)
I'm having exams headache. Wish me luck lovelies!


I've been showing up the worst in me lately, and it amazes me how much I suck. No this is not my depression state, just a realization that I need to improve. I'm becoming less of a people person I once were. Kawan baik pernah cakap tentang the same thing. She mentioned to me how she loves to be on her own lately, and knowing her that is almost impossible. Masa tu aku tak boleh nak faham sangat, sebab, kawan baik adalah seorang yang sangat sangat loud. Kira 180 compared to me. Aku memang introvert, through and through.

Jadi introvert kadang-kadang seronok, sebab you'll always have your own space, your own time for yourself. Tapi bila dah nak masuk adulthood ni, kadang-kadang, susah jugak. I lack people skill. Hm. Tak tahu lah macam mana nak improve, hopefully I found myself a way. Makin lama makin loner aku jadinya. Sebab makin lama makin nampak siapa yang patut tinggal dan siapa yang patut pergi. I always look for quality over quantity. Always. Tapi kadang-kadang, sunyi.

Kalau nak dikira dari 5 tahun lepas, memang banyak benda dah jadi. Banyak orang yang dulu aku rapat terus dah tak bercakap. Entahlah. Aku bukan jenis yang suka putuskan hubungan dengan orang ni, tapi tu lah kadang-kadang shit happens. Tak boleh nak elak.

Mellow pulak pepagi buta ni.

August 29, 2010

Dah demam.

Semalam the guy gave me a call after a week of silence. Kami memang begitu, dulu selalu terasa kalau tak cakap/sms for a few days, but now I guess, I can live with it.
The guy semangat-semangat tell me that finally he has bought the long awaited new battery for his suckish phone, instead of being happy about it (since serious dah lama gila phone dia fakap macam ****, almost 1 yr and a half I guess... =.=), I got pissed off. Sebab? I already gotten him a new batt cuma tak ada masa nak bagi, dan dia tahu about it. Duit tu boleh buat makan seminggu kat sini tau. =.=, anyways, lepas bagi lecture panjang lebar, rasa bersalah pulak sebab patutnya I should be happy, because he made the effort to finally buy that darn battery. What more he got it for less than the one I got him.

And then tone suara dah berubah. Haih. Kesian kena marah free. Tapi I rasa situation tu comel ahahaha. Omg, I'm such a bad girlfriend aren't I?
My point is, aku memang tak boleh nak marah orang sebab nanti in the end aku rasa bersalah gila. Hm. What more if that person is someone special to me. Tsk. Maaf ya?

August 27, 2010

He he he. Fangirl post ahead.

Today's after sahur was interesting. I was killing time waiting for Subuh (I know I should do something more productive, this killing time with internet is not good during Ramadhan, yes - that aside), I saw (if you don't know already, i am IN LOVE with this guy) Bruno Mars tweeted about him being live on his website, talking and answering questions. So, being me, I got excited. The time taken on reloadings and tried to by-pass the proxy were longer than the session itself, suffice to say, I only saw him (+ he talks, a bit) for merely 5 seconds. He looks awe.some /fangirl.
He he.
Anyways, a few days back something nice happened. I was having a difficult time lately and I talked to my Creator that if He's there for me, I hope He'll talked back. It was that soon. I feel so loved :"), it's not everyday you get a special call like that (if you know what I mean), what more it was in Ramadhan, a very holy month for all of us.

Well, so-orry for getting all sappy about this, but I never felt that way before. Ever. Alhamdulillah.
Other news, let's see... Oh, y'know, Paramore? The-only-band-I-listen-from-the-beginning-till-now-because-they-are-just-THAT-awesome-band? THEY'RE COMING HERE. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?! (ALL CAPS SHOWS MY EXCITEMENT). So I have to say bye-bye to the Album Leaf just to make way for this one. Hee hee hee. Now, the only problem is, I have to make do with all the time I have left due to its being on 19th October, on a weekday, on Tuesday to be exact. I have too many classes on that day, and to travel to KL before 8? Hmmmm. I hope I'll find a decent way, soon. Anyone from Tronoh who wants to go, lets meet up and we can skip our class for the next day happily, y/y? :D
I havent been writing this what-I-eat-for-lunch-post in awhile. And I havent been writing much on my music addiction ngehehe. So there goes!

Okay, I should sleep now.
(Edit) Eh KEJAP!:
My reaction, exactly. Mwehehe, now I can sleep in peace. Bye!

August 25, 2010

Last Weekend

Last weekend, after the horrible test I decided to go home. The mIRCkids decided to have a small get together for iftar as well, so I thought might as well jump in and say Hi. I havent met these people in a very long while. In eons. Especially Kijat and Naza. Remember the story about my used to-be sahur days? These are the kids, most of them anyways. We used to be in large numbers but people move on, we outgrew each other, they come and go... and that's what always happen (but we somehow we'd click right away whenever we see each other). The day ended unexpectedly sweet. Here, an 8 years worth of friendship. Mana nak dapat nowadays, you tell me?
credit: Azam, Kijat.

I couldn't make it to fav girl's album launch (yet again =.="), so decided to buy the album as soon as I could because I wanted my CD signed. But luck wasn't on my side, only made it on the 2nd batch and she was already flying off to London at that time, so yeah. :( My CD feels so naked. I love, every bit of the songs, no kidding. I'm not being biased, but learning this girl from her earliest music stage, I can say she has evolved. I almost wish that I can have separate section (more so like B-sides(?)) dedicated to the music alone. This was all made possible by my dear friend, Maggie Starr in helping me get a hold of this fast-selling record. (Gila promote ayat hahahaha, no really.)

August 24, 2010

Oh #1

Aku selalu ada sudden urges nak tulis lagu,mainkan dan record depan laptop. Pernah try, tapi tak berapa mengujakan. Tapi mahu lagi. I havent been using creative writing as my creative outlet in a long while. Bertahun.
Rindu rasa satisfied dekat diri sendiri. Rasa bangga dekat diri sendiri. Sendiri simpan sorang-sorang rasa tu, rasa exclusive gila.

p/s: Quiz lepas aku tak dapat jawab. Silap aku mungkin. Sedih, Tuhan je yang tahu banyak mana.

August 20, 2010

Patut tidur sekarang, tapi ada quiz esok. Jadi kena stay up sekejap.

Pernah tak rasa tiba-tiba macam nak lari pergi satu tempat yang orang tak pernah kenal kita dan tak akan kisah pasal kita lepas kita tahu orang dah start tahu pasal kita. Tapi, dekat tempat yang kita nak jadi anonymous tu, kita nak juga ada komiti kecil yang faham kita, yang memang dibentuk khas untuk kita sahaja. Those people that gets you no matter who you want to be/what you feel.
Aku tengah rasa macam tu sekarang.
Dan, pernah tak rasa tiba-tiba macam nak cemburu dekat benda yang tak sepatutnya, benda yang patutnya, kita dah lama accept and move on dan memang patut cakap depan muka "The world doesn't revolve around you, bitch". Tak, ini bukan cemburu dalam konteks lovers. Just, jealous, in general. Macam hak kita dirampas, tapi sepatutnya memang patut di-share oleh semua.

Aku tak suka jadi sehijau ini. Bulan puasa mana boleh rasa macam ni. Hish.

August 19, 2010

Lost Muse.

I used to write countless pieces whenever my heart is heavy.
Now I couldn't.
I lost a very part of me that I'm proud of.
I stopped writing. Everything just screams Blegh!
I'm not sure it's a wise thing to do,

to let my muse let loose.

August 17, 2010

Alternative Answers.


"God gives you answers in three ways: He says yes and gives you what you want, He says no and gives you something better, or He says wait and gives you the best."

- Anonymous
So kena chilllll.


If I could take out my heart and stop my head from thinking, I would. These thoughts are damaging.
Being far from one another affects me the most. I don't think I'm this vulnerable when I was in Kuantan 2 years ago. We had our feelings blooming for each other for that 2 and half years. It was so memorable, I chose not to forget.

I wish time stops. I wish I didn't change. I wish we didn't change. I wish we didn't grow up. I wish responsibility is just a word for adulthood. I wish we never enter adulthood. I wish we were still who we were. I wish you're thinking of me as bad as I think of you.

Absence does makes the heart grow fonder. But I hate this distance between you and me. It makes me ugly.

August 15, 2010

Into The Sea

7th September '10, 3 days before my birthday. Satu lagi alasan nak bagi hadiah best dekat diri sendiri. Tapi tak best kalau pergi sorang. Any takers? Jom.

August 14, 2010

Saja nak borak.

Dalam kepala otak ni, macam-macam aku nak sekarang. Benda-benda yang want bukan need yang memang makan duit tapi aku still nak. Contohnya, aku nak handphone baru sebab phone aku sekarang cam **** sikit, tapi still boleh berfungsi, despite ada banyak annoyances jugak to put up with and what more special is that Abah gave me that phone. Let me tell you something about Abah, he's not the kind that spoils his kids. Kalau kau nak benda tu, kau work for it, jangan harap Abah nak bagi. Tapi lately Abah dah mellow sikit kot. Macam tadi aku buat surprise visit balik Shah Alam (lagi.), unlike any other days whenever I decided to go home, Abah ajak aku balik minggu depan, nak buka sama katanya. Harini aku balik hari je pun, ikut uncle balik. Haha, tumpang orang pun jadiklah, saja je nak try buka puasa kat rumah eventhough aku tau yang takde benda normal akan jadi, and perempuan tu still akan jadi benda paling annoying dalam rumah ni. Tapi Abah ada, so ok la kan?

So, kalau kira phone yang Abah bagi ni, this is like the second thing Abah ever gave to me. Dulu dia ada bagi radio, tu benda paling aku sayang ah, tapi ada hamba Allah ni dah rosakkan antenna dia, and Abah dapat tahu, so he said "Buanglah, dah tak boleh pakai kan?", nada rata. Monotone. Aku tak pasti dia marah ke, dia sedih ke, or dia tak kisah langsung.Tapi aku ikut je, sebab nanti hari-hari dia tanya awat nak simpan radio rosak tu. Huhu. Aku ego tak nak cakap sayang. Heh.

Last year, aku buat this big purchase ever, guna duit aku separuh, Abah separuh. Nasib baik dia agree nak buat macam tu kalau tak serious aku tak tau nak bayar pakai apa. Aku dok survey benda (Apple kesayangan) tu berbulan-bulan, siap mimpi lagi. Siap exam aku boleh buat tak kisah. Gila tak? Aku rasa aku gila la sebab pasal tu pun boleh hilang focus. And this thing happen again, sebab aku nak phone baru and ada this one gadget yang memang buat aku cair gila ah tengok. Aku rela habiskan duit aku dekat gadjet, dari habiskan dekat baju sebab:
  1. Aku cerewet sikit bila cari baju. Explains my small sized wardrobe. Tak uptodate pun, but still. Aku takkan beli just for the sake of fashion ke apa. Kalau tak scream aku, aku takkan beli.
  2. Orang kat Malaysia ni semua orang kerdil agaknya. Size selalu takde. Nak kata badan aku sebesar lori takdak la pulak. Huh, so aku cepat fed up cari baju. Menyampah.
  3. Kalau shopping dengan Abah, jangan harap nak ada freedom try-try baju (aku memang kena try, sebab aku bukan orang kerdil :-p), so selalu balik empty handed, and tak kisah pun.
  4. Kalau lah boleh kan, aku nak beli satu baju yang fits all sizes, lepastu pakai the same thing over and over again. Nak cover badan je kan?
And above all, owning a gadget makes me feel content. Cakap pasal gadget, dah lama aku tak sentuh kamera-kamera aku. Takde duit nak beli film. Agh, rindu la pulak nak menembak. Aku suka ambik gambar orang. Sebab aku rasa orang ni unik, satu objek yang takkan sama dengan yang lagi satu, banyak benda boleh interpret. Tapi aku takde la reti sangat, cuma enjoy buat benda tu. Anyways, semalam sahur dan buka memang awesome habis. Macam sahur and bukain a functional family, seronok. Even lauk buka and sahur sama, still rasa seronok sebab makan semeja, pass-pass nasi and lauk. Memang perfect lah.

Kat rumah takkan dapat rasa macam tu. Tadi kirim dekat adik suruh beli samosa, teringin pulak. Harap-harap ada. Tidur lepas subuh tadi I had a dream. It felt so real. Agak bummed out bila dapat tau yang tu mimpi je. Haish, tapi kalau fikir balik semua tak masuk akal pun he he.

August 13, 2010

Sahur: Dulu & Sekarang.

Dulu kan masa zaman sekolah-sekolah, masa zaman internet masih rare dan cool which makes it "in" at that time, aku rasa salah satu aktiviti yang paling seronok untuk stay awake for sahur was by chatting. Masa tu, platform paling popular was mIRC. 80s kids, siapa yang tak pernah ada huge circle of friends (bagi aku, family of friends yang sangat rapat dan besar) [1], korang memang loser - rugi besar wa cakap lu. Peak hours pukul 2 sampai pukul 5, bila mana creative juice membuak-buak, asyik nak bercaaaaaakap je. In dire need of social interaction lah konon. Aku serious tak faham macam mana aku boleh stay up macam tu every single day. Kalau buat baca Quran pun ada la sikit faedahnya ye dak?

Tapi seronok gila. Seronok sangat, masa-masa macam tu la yang buat aku miss zaman sekolah aku. (Haha kan aku pernah cakap, time sekolah aku loser, so kawan-kawan aku 80% adalah kawan virtual. Dorang best, tak judge. What you see is what you get. Takde conman sangat time tu). Semua pakat lepas terawikh log on sama-sama, cerita apa yang best masa lepas terawikh... contohnya macam kawan lama aku (okay, sekarang tak pasti status tu macam mana sebab dah lost contact. Ada history ni kikiki), si Z, memang hari-hari akan main mercun. Aku memang idakle. Time tu Ibu masih ada, dan dah start sakit, the only entertainment I had was that, so aku lost dalam dunia aku, sama macam aku lost dalam Tumblr world sekarang (itu, cerita lain).

Lepastu, after 5 am macam tu, sorang-sorang logged out, ye lah nak sahur. Siapa yang hardcore macam aku akan stay up lagi sampai pukul 8 macam tu. Hm, aku rasa aku banyak ponteng or cuti sekolah kot masa benda ni berlaku (circa 2001-2003) [2], so tu pasal aku tak kisah stay up late. Tapi kat sekolah kow-kow punya la qada' tidur. Aku memang kaki ponteng. Lagi teruk bila start form 4, lepas Ibu dah tak ada. Sebab takde orang nak monitor aku. Selalu ponteng dengan si kawan baik. Selalu disini adalah dalam konteks at least, sekali seminggu. Hohoh. Kalau adik aku buat perangai buruk macamtu, memang dah lama kena sebat dengan Abah. Tapi aku relax. Chill orang kata :-P

Tapi harini aku sahur, aktiviti aku untuk stay awake was talking to my roomate, makan sambil bercakap. Buruk gila perangai. Lepastu tunggu Subuh, dan apa yang aku buat? Aku update blog, tengok Tumblr, adala baca notes sikit-sikit sebab jap lagi ada quiz. Haha. Safe to say, bosan gila. Okaylah, tanggungjawab dah memanggil. Selamat berpuasa!

[1] Sampai sekarang aku masih keep in touch dengan budak-budak ni, 50% of them aku jumpa on yearly basis. Ye lah, yang sorang tu kat Sarawak (hi Zim!), ada yang kat UK (hi Kijat!), ada yang kat Perlis (hi Nuul!), jauh sangat kalau nak buat monthly ye dak?
[2] Aku rasa time ni pun mungkin aku sekolah petang kot. So yeah, that explains it.

August 11, 2010

Its that time of the year again! :-)

It's the first of Ramadhan! and what excites me apart from servicing my Lord, is ... the Bazaar Ramadhan!
He he he. I'll always make it a priority to check out the bazaar in the first day of Ramadhan just to know what to eat, what to crave for and of course how much should I spend on food alone (nafs is ALWAYS in the way, which is not good.). Let me tell you something, being twenty-something do have its advantages as I've been to countless bazaars during my student life and I could pretty much select my food instead of going out of control buying food just for the sake of "Oh, i MUST eat that! It's been ages! Tomorrow's gonna be a long fasting day, I couldnt afford salivating over this!"... y'know and that thoughts kinda automatically floats on your mind pretty much on every sight of food you encounter. (IF you're a big fan of Murtabak, kuih pelita, air tebu/teh bunga/lai chi kang, ayam percik, ayam golek (and all other awesome ayams), nasi ayam/lemak/kerabu kukus - and whatnots... like me *big grin*)

But yeah, my first day went... pretty okay. I made a mental note while I was in the sea of hungry Muslims that I should get the food that I crave the most - and run the hell out of the bazaar, just like what I did just now and I must say it's pretty challenging! Hello, this is bazaar Ramadhan we're talking about! (if you're Malaysian and familiar with things like this. They are just too hard to resist!). So yeah here I am, my purse is alive and breathing AND just slightly empty which is cool.

Since it is only the first day.. I'd like to wish you guys, a very calm and peaceful Ramadhan! May Allah bless us with easiness to perform good deeds and responsibilities as a good Muslim. Amin. :)

August 6, 2010

Hello untuk awak.

Hai orang Melaka (I assume) yang ada say Hi dekat formspring dulu. Lama tak nampak dekat feedjit? Sihat? Saja mahu say hello balik! :)

August 5, 2010

Of snail mail and whatnots.

Tadi, masa kelas Investment, atas meja aku ada tertera satu ukiran yang spell out the word (or more like a question - the way the 'crafter' did it) "Bored...?", instinctively, I replied "Yes, very. Help?" and I'm not gonna lie that I was hoping for a reply. That simple message makes me realize how much I miss communicating anonymously.

Memang, up to one point we would love to reveal ourselves sebab sampai bila pun nak jadi anon, right? That'll be the stage when I've already feel comfortable with the person(s). Dulu, masa sekolah, I had a pet sis, we've never really talk that much with each other but we communicate a lot on papers. Pass-pass letters bawah meja. How oldskool! That was circa 2000. Come Raya, she'd post me Raya cards and it went on for two years. I was in form one and she was in form four. I swear I'd feel all excited receiving and replying messages, and anticipating the times when we saw each other and all that shizz.

Okay, aku dulu loser (sekarang pun, mungkin). Sumpah takde guy nak dekat aku. Haha, so yeah, jika anda bertanyakan soalan "Eleh, tu pun nak excited ke, kakak angkat je pun", soalan anda telah terjawab. Ok, moving on! Now, we have all these social networks that show who we are on the outside, kira memang tak in depth, but kalau orang stalk, people can read you by heart, in a way - bahaya. And, in a way, we've lost our privacy (even if kita bukan public figure of some sort...but still). If we keep our accounts private pun, we tend to add people we like, (albeit, we never talk to this person in real life, at all)... takde la private mana kan?

Tak, sebenarnya aku dah sidetracked panjang gila ni. Aku rindu nak dapat snail mail dalam mailbox merah depan rumah (okay, sekarang stail mailbox dah lain, takbest, takde feel - penuh dengan bills je), nampak effort orang tu nak communicate dengan kita macam mana. Ape barang wall to wall bila jumpa depan depan senyum macam tak nak senyum?


p/s: BTW, thanks to sesiapa yang ambik serious post lepas. Minggu ni aku dah tenang banyak. Terima kasih again, harap karma baik datang berganda-ganda kat korang! Amin. :)

August 2, 2010

Minta Doa.

Kalau betul aku ada pembaca blog, dengan tak tahu malunya, aku nak mintak tolong yang amat sangat, tolong doakan aku dipermudahkan urusan untuk minggu ini dan minggu yang akan datang.

Tolong tadah tangan untuk aku dan minta doa. Tolong. Lagi banyak yang aminkan lagi bagus. Aku takut sangat nak hadap minggu yang ini. Tolong ya kawan-kawan? Terima kasih, banyak.
Moga kalian dipermudahkan urusan juga. Amin.


If it's true I have reader(s), I'd like to shamelessly ask you guys to pray for me. Pray that I'll have easy weeks ahead. Please, pray for me. I feel awfully nervous for this coming week, I'd pray the same for you guys, too. Thank you so very much.