November 30, 2010

Reverse.

We dress in play suits and play a game we know neither of us can win.

I throw bricks and you build walls out of them. 

I climb over and steal your breath for just a second before you find some way to leave.

And I don’t blame you. I blame the wind, the cold, the way my fingers curl around themselves when the air gets to close together and every one around me has their head on someone else’s shoulder.

I don’t blame me, I blame the way my imagination makes miles disappear and hearts make more sense than minds.

I don’t blame us. I blame whatever it is that keeps my eyes watching my phone.

I blame whatever it is that makes me get you.

And I blame every mile that keeps me from getting you more.

So we end up switching roles; I pretend to miss you and you pretend to miss me and I end up crying myself to sleep. 

I’m so tired of thinking and missing what I have never had.
I think being lonely with you is worse than being lonely alone. 
But I don’t want you to leave.

(viaheisjealousforme)
--
I got one more paper to go, it's raining outside and it is fucking up my mood. Hm. I don't want to go through another night like yesterday. I don't want to imagine our fingers intertwined with my tears soaking up my blanket. I don't want to be this far when all I want to do is be near. I don't want to be a worrywart in a distance.

November 29, 2010

Today,

I swear I could almost taste the freedom. Almost.
Most of my Corporate Finance classmates have finished their final exams AND final semester, while I, got one more on Wednesday.
This final examination thing, is not my thing. I miss those days where I need no readings, just understanding and I can do my work and ace my semester.
--
Next Monday, today will be my first day of internship (again.), and I am so very nervous (again.). I don't know what's up with me and the professionals, I feel like I'm not.. well, let me correct that, won't ever be ready to be one.
--
Lapar.

November 28, 2010

Nak pergi please?



:( ni dah kali berapa juta tah tak dapat pegi. This one include Hana T as well. OMG. :( Sedih siot.

November 19, 2010

I'm on my way cruising on the Ace St.

I should not dwell in the past and should not ruin my exam weeks with shouldacouldawoulda. Takde rezq' orang kata.
--
Exam headache will commence for the next two weeks and I'll embark a new journey soon (peh, nervous plak). Wish me luck! Doakan saya tak fail! Thanks :)

November 12, 2010

Black hole.

Don't pull me back again, black hole. I hate being inside you. Everything was so messed up, everything was so glum, you suck my energy right out, I hate that.
--
You wanna know where I got myself the energy to smile?
.
.
.
.
.
.


I fake it.

November 11, 2010

//

Aku and my guy macam ada satu agreement ni tau. Entahlah kalau aku sorang je yang perasan, tapi it has been like that for so many years, even masa mula-mula close dulu. We have this No show policy kot, ahah lawak pulak. We don't parade our feelings that much, kalau ada pun, jaraaaaang sangat, sekarang lagi kronik siap ada orang tanya aku dengan dia dah takde apa-apa ke. Hm, growing up process agaknya?

Tapi thing is, aku suka macam ni. Macam kita dua je tau orang lain tak payah nak sibuk sibuk jaga tepi kain, Kalau gaduh pun takde orang tau hu hu (okay melainkan roomate, sila baca senyap senyap and takyah ulang ayat ni bila kami gaduh ok? Tengs!). Dan sekarang ni musim dia cari aku agaknya, mwehehe, I like this (Y). Sebab seronok bila pagi pagi ada message, or tengah hari ada random jokes in my inbox and bila nak tidur dapat at least a good night call. Kan seronok macam ni? Happy je. Stay gedik macam ni boleh tak? (Ok, I know its impossible. =.=")

--
Anyways, lagi 4 hari aku kat sini, aku tak nak balik, aku macam tak sanggup nak buat final exam... semester ni susah gila. T T, entahlah, harap tak fail, itu aje. Pointer turun sikit tak pe kot. Macam dah tak sabar nak intern and habis kan final year lepastu kerja. Friends my age semua dah kerja ok! Haih, gila loser buat degree je pun dah belajar lama-lama. I know belajar tak kira usia kan, tapi entahlah macam kena pressure tengok environment kawan-kawan semua atleast kalau tengah belajar pun buat masters kot, tak main ah degree ni. Sobs. Tu la, sapa suruh main main time SPM, padan muka sendiri.

Hm, boleh tak sekarang ni aku rasa cam dah jauh gila dengan bff, distant sangat sangat. Macam aku dah tak tau updates apa-apa, hu hu, what to do.. I guess aku taklah seimportant yang aku sangka kot. Tsk. So sekarang aku takde closest friend kalau nak diikutkan. Stress sikit sebab kalau ada benda best jadi dapat share dengan the boys and the guy. Gila bosan. Point of views lelaki ni... I mean kalau nak di-apply on things that orang/perempuan macam aku suka jadi cam rigid. Tak best doh feedback, sekali sekala ye la. I mean, I need gff, gedik, bimbo moments jugak to live.
--
Dinner tadi kitorang buat grilled cheese, and all the while dalam kepala otak ada grilled cheesus. Lol.

November 9, 2010

Avocado + Potato

I love being at home because there are familiar faces from every corner. I've been cooking for two days in a row now and let me tell you it feels good :), I should keep my domestic skills in check before someone swept off my feet, one day. Heehee, I'm such a hopeless romantic.

I met my guy last Sunday after ages of not seeing each other, t'was... fun. We did nothing much, just catching up over food mostly, but yeah I am the happiest when I'm with him. Oh, brothers asked me to take a listen to Cee Lo's F U and I did. So decided to do a cover for it, nyehehe, here goes!


--

November 7, 2010


Sorry for the previous post. I was furious. Saya tak suka bila saya marah, I'll get bitter. Hm. Need to change.
--
Semalam birthday Abah. Was out all day mula mula plan nak pergi Frinjan but cancel last minute sbb I dont feel like it. Then jalan jalan with the boys, just cause. Lama tak lepak dengan adik-adik kesayangan. Balik from lepak lepak, we decided to surprise Abah with a slice of cake.

Mind you, this is the first time ever we decided to do this. We're not sappy and all that shizz, explains my awkward moments with sweet people like the guy or my friends, I am no good with sweet comebacks but do know that I am affected by your kind gestures in all kind of ways.

So yeah, at 11 PM, before the day ended, we gave Abah the cake. He was so happy he actually initiates all sort of conversations. I like to him that way. We'll do more of this sort of things once I have a career okay? :)

S.A Mall dah majuuu gilaaa. Kagum! K, so long and goodnight.

November 4, 2010

Saya suka hari ini! :)

Terlupa rasa dengar Count on Me macam mana, kalau sorang sorang pun rasa tiba-tiba macam ada kawan. Ok scary pulak type macam tu. Abaikan. Rasa dia best.
--

Harini cabaran terpaling hebat aku terpaksa go through sepanjang beberapa tahun jadi mahasiswi ni (cewah!). Tak sangka, tempat prestigious macamni boleh ada beberapa kerat yang macamtu. Sigh. If you have my facebook, chances are you already know whats up. I am not the type of yang marah tak tentu pasal, or make something out of thin air (except with loverboy, saja nak drama lebih. Itu mesti). Siapa yang pernah buat kerja dengan aku should know how I work. I have my standards. And I don't go below my standards even things get though. I'm a perfectionist like that.

Tapi nasi dah jadi bubur. Report yang aku put high hopes at least contain basic information hancur berkecai and aku tak boleh nak fix it. Dammit! Aku tak suka rasa tak boleh fix benda. Rasa macam tadi kalau orang yang kena mengena tu datang memang dah kena penangan depan depan tambah dengan crankiness aku yang tak tidur kejar deadlines and tests, I think you're lucky Allah bagi sebab kau tiba tiba tak datang langsung, sebab kalau kau datang memang kau dah kena. You don't mess with me.

This is a big deal sebab aku tak pernah encounter benda macam ni lagi. Sebusuk-busuk kolej aku yang tak ada nama tu pun dulu, budak budak dia reti ada sense of responsibilities. Tak kisah lah kau ada event ke, kau final semester ke, kau busy gila nak mati ke, bila part kau, kau buat sehabis baik. Bukan main copypaste ayat hanging. Seriously, kalau aku jadi lecturer tu, aku pun tak tahu nak mark apa. You mess with my marks too lah, and yours too, perasan tak cik student final semester?

And sapa bagi late notice 30mins BEFORE the event anyways? 30 minutes, yang bila mana semalam kau beriya kata nak tolong sekali, last-last I was left alone to present and change the whole presentation slides. Memang terbaikkkk di pagi test. Terima kasih banyak banyak, apa rasa sangkut paper final semester ek? Best tak?

Hohoho. Nanti bagi tahu, aku nak tahu.
:)
--

Macam macam. Aku rasa aku banyak buat salah kat orang. If so, sorry banyak banyak from the bottom of my heart. Aku harap esok will be better. Amin.