September 30, 2010

143

# sebab dulu tak mahu yang asing. sebab sekarang dah fragile. sebab dulu boleh chose. sebab sekarang I can't deny. 7:12 AM Aug 17th


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sebab dulu we were just kids. sebab dulu we had fun. sebab dulu kurang kisah. sebab sekarang takut nak lepas. 7:11 AM Aug 17th



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sebab dulu I dont put my heart on my sleeve. Sebab dulu I still have my walls. Sebab sekarang I like how your hand fits mine. 7:10 AM Aug 17th



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sebab dulu tak sekuat sekarang. sebab dulu tak invest byk. sebab sekarang sayang sgt. sebab sekarang terasa jauh. I'm constantly missing you 7:09 AM Aug 17th


--

I know I'm the most insecure person you ever encountered, but you stay anyways. Saya selalu yang bukan-bukan, tapi tetap awak cakap "Tak apa, that's you". Thank you for that.

September 28, 2010

I got a new love. \m/


This is my current fav OJ. Not too sweet, not too sour(/bitter?). It fits my preferences just nice. I think me and Minute Maid's OJ would have a long term relationship and that is awesome.

A relationship where I'll always love this particular OJ brand, and (hopefully) they'll produce the same orange juice forever. No conflict, just pure love.
--

On other news, I wish the word distance means happiness, and wholesome. Distance just spells lonely for me and I am not that tough anymore. The more I care, the more it bites back. The more paranoid, and annoying I become. And less people care about me because of that.

Annoying, D, annoying.
--

September 27, 2010

Yellow.


iCover - Yellow.

--
Yesterday, Abah decided to tune in to Red, which used to be my fav radio station until I stopped listening to radio a while back. So, they were having this Jazz slot which at the point I was listening, I thought some guy covered Chocolate Rain (by Tay) and I thought "hey, this is nice" but when I listen closer, it was Buble's Spiderman - which was beyond awesome. It was raining, and after few songs, I found myself crying. I guess there's something comforting with Jazz that I let myself go. Thank God Abah didn't realized, or I'll have to answer 1001 questions.

Thing is, I don't know what is up with me lately. I cry at the most random time ever. About everything. I feel like crap most of the time. These negativities? They need to get out of my system, pronto!
--
Y'know that feeling in which whatever you do is not enough? That makes you feel unimportant? Useless? Yeah. I'm feeling that at the mo. Suckiest feeling ever. I feel like I'm missing (or most probably lost) something in me. I could not figure it out.

September 26, 2010

September 25, 2010

Red Oranji

--
Wish me luck. Hu hu hu.

September 22, 2010

Obviously

Tadi, bumped into few of familiar faces, they said I seems happy. Lol. Sebenarnya aku dok fikir nak tegur (perli ehe) this guy friend of mine and I think it shows kot sebab aku macam tergelak sorang-sorang before I could really tease him. Diorang siap suruh explain siapa yang buat aku happy (nampak sangat muka aku memang gloomy gila kalau tengah jalan, e he he), and macam takkan aku nak share inside jokes I just had with myself kan? So aku biarkan aje.

Seriously-lah, I think I have too many inside jokes inside my head and I can burst laughing anytime and if at the same time ada manusia yang perasan sure ingat aku tak berapa nak betul. Thing is, tak semua faham, dan jokes takkan jadi jokes kalau kau kena explain kan? So I let it be.

Anyways, dua hari lepas ada lecturer baru ganti spot the former lecturer of my least favourite subject. Subjek ni mula-mula aku ambik pun sebab aku rasa macam interesting gila, tapi salah satu sebab aku menyampah was that lecturer lama tu macam take into account yang bukan semua budak dalam kelas tu came from the same background. Contohnya aku. Manalah aku nak tau remaizer tu apekebenda, and dia siap cakap "Oh, If you don't know I won't go further"... aku dah cari and aku tak faham. Bila aku tanya nanti dia tanya soalan in jargon yang memang alien gila.

Kira macam aku cakap language coding dengan orang belajar chemical. Tak masuk kan? Ha macam tu ah. Aku lost gila ah before cuti mid sem ni. Lepastu bila dah take over aku suka sangat sebab lecturer yang baru ni selalu go back and forth on financial jargons, so banyak yang aku tahu and banyak yang aku rasa aku boleh tanya untuk fahamkan. Baru dua hari, but I kinda like this lecturer. Nampak effort dia nak ajar. So aku sangat bersyukur lah. (kot. for the time being) Tak kisah lah banyak kerja pun, janji aku faham.

Oh oh! Investment portfolio aku naik sikit. Happpppyyyy sangat ni. Even aku kat rank #10000++ E he he, budak baru belajar okay lah kan nampak naik sikit. Hee.

Anyways, tiba-tiba semalam tergerak hati nak tulis using my left hand sebab ada budak yang aku macam suka tengok ada sikit accident yang sebabkan dia tak boleh nak menulis using dia punya tangan kanan (she's a righty, obviously), so macam aku terfikir ah kan, kalau aku kena macam dia, how am I supposed to learn to write using left hand promptly? Malang tak berbau kan. Aku rasa orang lefty attractive and very artsy, aku rasa lah. Sebab most of lefties I know semua macam confidence dia tinggi lain macam sikit and macam charming sikit lah so that what makes them attractive (loverboy included ahem.) to me.

So yeah, obviously tulisan aku cam cibs. E he he. Kalau tengok tulisan aku yang betul betul pun tak semua orang faham sebab aku suka short-hand notes. Semua macam cacing. Honestly, bila dah bergelumang dengan coding for four years aku rasa macam pen dan pensel tu semua tak relevan untuk wujud. Tak ada guna. Nak menulis pun kekok. Buruk gila ah tulisan aku, orang-orang tertentu je faham (example: ex-lecturers), kadang-kadang aku sendiri tak faham e he he.

Oh yeah, semalam (or ke today? aku confused lah EST timeline ni. hm) was/is Glee Day. Excited okay! Glee kids nyanyi Billionaire (like hello! Bruno Mars! (<3) and Travie) Hee. Tak sabar, cepat leak pleaseeee!

Oh, dan, Hello! (harini post tak emo kan kan kan? Sebab dah penat :) )

September 20, 2010

I ran over a deer. and I feel bad about it.

I don't know if there's anyone still around reading my blog due to my excessive emo posts previously. Hm. This won't be any different, anyways.
--

I guess it's true people come and go at the most random period of your life
Had a few bad hunch few moons ago but I kept quiet, coz hey the last thing you need is drama in your life, right?
I don't know what is it with me and people, I never get to keep them that long the way I want them to
Though, at first I always blame it on the circumstances "Oh, people outgrew each other, chill-the-fucking-lax" or "People have life you know? And you don't. Suck it up", but now I am most certain that the problem lies in me. Me. I'm just too blah/bland/mundane/ B-OOOORINGGG for anyone i guess. I never care, well I do, but not in the way that they can see it anyways.

You know that quote quality over quantity? Well, I guess all I got now is quantity. Shit, this hurts.
--
If you're looking for a friendship with me, you better think twice, because I am the lamest person you would ever encounter and I could never be that "HAY GIRLFRIEND" type of girlfriend. I am reserved. Period.
--
"Oh, people outgrew each other, chill-the-fucking-lax".

September 17, 2010

Hello!
I don't like you being all whiny, making shitty assumptions and being sad for no exact reason just because you're left alone. Everyone have their lives to attend to and you're the one who chooses to be left alone. Suck it up. Start enjoying your personal time. It's not like you don't have assignments to worry about, psh.

Stop being whiny bitch for one second, don't be hatin', appreciate!

No love,
You.

September 15, 2010

Procrastination #1: Playlist 001.

My work has been put on hold for many days already and if it were up to me, I am not bother to even touch them at all. Sigh, I wish grades are not everything.
Anyways. I'm thinking of making a playlist. Hehe, another reason to procrastinate (I'm such a world class procrastinator, no kid). So watch this space. Nothing /rare/ just... familiar tunes you've been missing all along and my personal favs, I guess? :)
--
  1. Yellow (cover) - Jem
  2. You - Switchfoot
  3. Dusk & Summer - Dashboard Confessional
  4. Lonely - Yael Naim
  5. Airplane - Local Native
  6. Sway - The Perishers
  7. My Heart - Paramore
  8. Lifehouse - Chapter One
  9. Boston - Augustana
  10. I know I know I know - Tegan & Sara
  11. Just One of Those Days - Monica
  12. Relator - Pete Yorn & ScarJo
  13. Chasing Cars - Snowpatrol
  14. Northern Downpour - Panic! At the Disco
  15. We Once Were (Two) - The Album Leaf
--
Semalam masa datang idea ni, semua lagu upbeat, tapi sekarang mood down sikit, so mellow sikit lah, sorry.

Everything, every single line.



Fast forward to now. I can't believe I'm still with you. I still remember the emotionally grueling 5 hours bus and train rides with you on the other end making sure that I was okay. I miss you. I miss Atuk the most. I miss everything. I'm too vulnerable sometimes, and I hate that.

September 14, 2010

I've been here before not long ago, with someone just as beautiful, just as doubtful.


video
Remind me how we got this far.

My go-to song if things seem like they're crumbling apart.
For the time being, I am not so sure myself, just feelin' a bit, meh.
I hate to assume.
Prove me wrong, will you?

Untitled

Well, it is not like you'd talk to me first,
I never gotten the first scoop on anything,
it'll always be "Oh, have I told you?"
and the answers are usually No.

I don't know what happen,
but I guess distance and me, we don't mix
I can do it with my guy,
but most probably its because we've been apart since day one

Even so
I'm not coping well with that.

Not with you though
I guess there is a part of me that says
I can't never be that kind of friend to you

I'm just your emergency call
That's all.

September 10, 2010

1, 2, 3, Ho!

I was searching for my dudes' pictures to make a dedication of somesort coz apparently I share my birthday with Azeem and Zan (though Zan is turning 24, who knew- at first I thought he's the same age as me), and coz Azeem was the earliest to wish me, we're never that close but we talk, occasionally, online. They say age is just a number, and I never gotten in term with that until recently.

Looking through the folders that contain bajillion pictures of people I love, know, used to know, barely knew... I was certain that I wasn't there to find my friends' pictures, but instead I was looking through my past. I was finding me.I keep at least 2-3 years worth of pictures in my HDD.

Who knew I've graduated, who knew I'll be where I am today, who knew I used to be like that. I am not really sure if that that inclines towards bad or good. Just feel like giving an emphasis to it. Who knew, I'll live through and be 23. Whoa. By the by, I should thank Allah for giving me the chance to breathe every single day and giving me the chance to live my life to the fullest everyday.

I guess I have lost my sense of quirkiness. Something in me died, for good. Hm. I miss having that sense of spontaneity, when I was 20 I had the straightest hair I ever had in my life. That was refreshing, something I decided in less than a minute and it made me feel good for a while. I could never imagine how I can do such thing, I am more of a cautious person now, everything will eventually leads to something, and I have to make sure that it has to be good or I'll bare the consequences. I miss hanging out and be silly, fuck the world, who cares what people think, who cares what I look like. No one. How naive. People judge, though I've never encounter anything bad yet (well... maybe a little..), it is certain that I have to weigh people feelings and thought in doing anything.

Though, I certainly like how I can say NO to people now. It's something that makes me feel in control, that I don't give in too much to people and have ample personal space to myself. I know people do view me as that arrogant stuck up girl. But hey, you have to be there for yourself when no one's there, yes?

I can't believe I'm running out of words. Ha ha, there was like a never ending story running through my mind when I was looking at those pictures, I guess it died out. Oh well. 23, huh? That's old. No, wait, let me correct that, that sounds.. so adult-like.

I got to know more amazing people in the span of a year, tell me how can that not be awesome? I got into my dream place on my own. I fought for my right. I battled the craziest person on earth and here I am still breathing, and being with the people I should be with. I got to know my Creator a little more in so many crazy ways you could not even imagine (and I hope for more, inshaAllah). I witnessed how easily people change. I could not ask for a better life than this.

23, please be a better year (what an oxymoron, but a wish is a wish. :)). I want to do so much more and I want to give out so much more. So much of what I could offer. Amin.

Wow this turns out to be a lengthy entry. Whoever reads this, well hey you better get me something! (I kid. /not really)
--
On the lighter note, Bruno Mars's Just the Way You Are premiered two days before my birthday, therefore I shall thank my Bruno for giving me an awesome birthday present he he he.

I've been looping Janelle Monae - Tightrope, loving the music, loving the video as well. Sick footwork! Enjoy! (OK, can't embed, here's the song for you instead.)


--
p/s: I got to celebrate along with nasi impit, kuah kacang and duit raya. Tell me how can that not be fun? Be safe lovelies, enjoy your Raya to the fullest... after all you deserve it. <3

September 8, 2010

It just hit me,

That today is...

08/09/10

Such a nice date innit? Anyways, since Raya is approaching, I would like to wish you all safe journeys back and forth to and from your hometowns, have a very happy EidulFitr, and enjoy the last bit of Ramadhan could offer you. I'm not gonna lie that this time around it's hard to let go of the fact that, Ramadhan is ending soon. Hopefully, your good deeds and mine are counted to the last bit, inshaAllah.

Sincere apologies from the very bottom of my heart for all the wrongdoings, wrong selection of words, all the talks behind your back or even with you knowing it, I am sorry. Truly sorry. As the saying goes, maaf zahir dan batin, 0-0 alright? He he.

Yuna - Raya Oh Yeah from Luey Motion Lab on Vimeo.

Love,
D.A.

September 6, 2010

Doakan, tolong?

Raya tak seronok kalau ada orang yang tak dapat langsung nak berpuasa untuk raya.
Raya tak seronok, kalau sorang-sorang.

--
Bismillah hir Rahman nir Rahim.

Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku. Kau peliharalah, lindungilah dan selamatkanlah saudara-mara kami di Pakistan, Palestin, Malaysia dan seluruh dunia. Redakanlah setiap kesakitan, kemiskinan, peperangan dan bencana alam di bumi ini, Ya Allah. Berikanlah mangsa tempat tinggal, makanan dan ubatan yang secukupnya. Jauhkanlah tubuh badan mereka dari sebarang penyakit. Lanjutkanlah usia mereka. Kuatkanlah mereka yang kehilangan ahli keluarga. Teguhkanlah iman mereka supaya mereka tabah, tidak putus asa, dan terus berpegang kepada Mu. Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku. Ringankanlah dugaan mereka dan permudahkanlah hidup mereka. Kasihanilah mereka sebagaimana Kau mengasihani kami, Ya Allah. Bukakanlah mata dan hati setiap manusia yang bernafas agar sama-sama membantu, tidak kira dalam apa jua bentuk sekalipun. Lumpuhkanlah semangat mereka yang berniat jahat. Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku. Semoga kami tidak leka dan penting diri. Sesungguhnya dari kesakitan, kemiskinan, peperangan dan bencana alam sebegini kami belajar kebesaran kuasa Mu, kami mohon pengampunan dari Mu, dan tiada tempat lain kami meminta serta berbalik, selain daripada Mu.

Amin, amin, amin ya rabbal alamin.

Pakistan is facing a slow-motion tsunami. Its destructive power will accumulate and grow with time… Make no mistake: this is a global disaster, a global challenge. It is one of the greatest tests of global solidarity in our times.

- UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon

(via WRD)

September 4, 2010

Bersangka baik.



Astaghfirullahalazimmmm.... Dah banyak betul aku jadi macam ni rupanya. Tak husnuzon. :( Minta maaf kalau ada yang aku cakap secara sengaja atau tak. My nafs was in the wayyy have to work on that. Hu hu hu.

September 1, 2010

Untitled.

To accidentally found something or to be exact someone that inspire you without them knowing is indescribable. Who would've thought that a person you would not take a glance on can move you inside? (Contohnya.) I found mine (for now, for now I think this person is perfect). Throughout my years there will always be someone who is a total stranger to me would lend a helping hand - just by being my inspiration to look at world differently. To view things into different perspectives. To get all annoyingly optimistic on things that should just ruin your entire being. Or sometimes, just being there, to entertain me - to tend to the mellowest day of my week.

More often than not, these people will miraculously appear in my life (for a short while, maybe longer, if God permits) in one way or another, and I keep falling in admiration how the heck these people are crafted so special by Allah, inside and out. I wonder if they know they are genuinely beautiful. I wonder if they know they touches someone that they don't know. Someone like me.
--

I fall in love with strangers far too easily.