I was searching for my dudes' pictures to make a dedication of somesort coz apparently I share my birthday with Azeem and Zan (though Zan is turning 24, who knew- at first I thought he's the same age as me), and coz Azeem was the earliest to wish me, we're never that close but we talk, occasionally, online. They say age is just a number, and I never gotten in term with that until recently.
Looking through the folders that contain bajillion pictures of people I love, know, used to know, barely knew... I was certain that I wasn't there to find my friends' pictures, but instead I was looking through my past. I was finding me.I keep at least 2-3 years worth of pictures in my HDD.
Who knew I've graduated, who knew I'll be where I am today, who knew I used to be like that. I am not really sure if that that inclines towards bad or good. Just feel like giving an emphasis to it. Who knew, I'll live through and be 23. Whoa. By the by, I should thank Allah for giving me the chance to breathe every single day and giving me the chance to live my life to the fullest everyday.
I guess I have lost my sense of quirkiness. Something in me died, for good. Hm. I miss having that sense of spontaneity, when I was 20 I had the straightest hair I ever had in my life. That was refreshing, something I decided in less than a minute and it made me feel good for a while. I could never imagine how I can do such thing, I am more of a cautious person now, everything will eventually leads to something, and I have to make sure that it has to be good or I'll bare the consequences. I miss hanging out and be silly, fuck the world, who cares what people think, who cares what I look like. No one. How naive. People judge, though I've never encounter anything bad yet (well... maybe a little..), it is certain that I have to weigh people feelings and thought in doing anything.
Though, I certainly like how I can say NO to people now. It's something that makes me feel in control, that I don't give in too much to people and have ample personal space to myself. I know people do view me as that arrogant stuck up girl. But hey, you have to be there for yourself when no one's there, yes?
I can't believe I'm running out of words. Ha ha, there was like a never ending story running through my mind when I was looking at those pictures, I guess it died out. Oh well. 23, huh? That's old. No, wait, let me correct that, that sounds.. so adult-like.
I got to know more amazing people in the span of a year, tell me how can that not be awesome? I got into my dream place on my own. I fought for my right. I battled the craziest person on earth and here I am still breathing, and being with the people I should be with. I got to know my Creator a little more in so many crazy ways you could not even imagine (and I hope for more, inshaAllah). I witnessed how easily people change. I could not ask for a better life than this.
23, please be a better year (what an oxymoron, but a wish is a wish. :)). I want to do so much more and I want to give out so much more. So much of what I could offer. Amin.
Wow this turns out to be a lengthy entry. Whoever reads this, well hey you better get me something! (I kid. /not really)
On the lighter note, Bruno Mars's Just the Way You Are premiered two days before my birthday, therefore I shall thank my Bruno for giving me an awesome birthday present he he he.
I've been looping Janelle Monae - Tightrope, loving the music, loving the video as well. Sick footwork! Enjoy! (OK, can't embed, here's the song for you instead.)
p/s: I got to celebrate along with nasi impit, kuah kacang and duit raya. Tell me how can that not be fun? Be safe lovelies, enjoy your Raya to the fullest... after all you deserve it. <3