February 29, 2012


You know what?
I wish I'd have the courage to just pick my uke and sing in front of large crowd (like the other night, but the other night was filled with familiar faces and I was nervous at first but it turned out well), crowd that I don't even know their name and just sing, sing properly of course and sing my best without being too nervous or over thinking things.
I wish I could muster the courage to walk to you and say "hey, I think you're interesting/cute/fun/pretty/nice", smile and just walk away, or better yet hold a 2-minute conversation with you and make a lasting impression.
Because I don't want to be invisible anymore, but I don't know how to stop.

February 27, 2012


Since it's Monday and it's my most favorite day of the week (After Friday-Saturday-Sunday) of course, I need to list down things that need to be done by this week:

  • 6 interfaces via asp.net for le project
  • complete 3 pages of EBS report
  • complete 2.5 pages of Why China manipulates the Currency
  • Stop watching the big bang theory back to back, you're on current season now you wouldn't want to wait for the new episode, Dalila.
  • Stop procrastinating, due date for the project is on the 7th March.

February 24, 2012

//51: Socially Inept.

What should one do when one's weakness is pointed out in the most horrfying manner one could imagine?
Few weeks ago, I wanted to learn things, out of the context of going to class. And I guess this is it.
I don't work in a normal manner, and though that seems worrying and suffocating at times, I don't think I want to. Change for the better? Yes. Leave all my awkwardness and quirks? Not yet.

February 22, 2012


I love having my ice cream and just be oblivious towards everything. Just me and my ice cream. Having a night walk alone is not bad either; with favorite tunes on both ends and just stroll around, thinking about nothing, soaking up your chilly surroundings; though walking up next/in front of people still makes me feel slightly nervous but I'm trying to make things okay, that it is okay to feel that way sometimes.

(via flickr/mac_papi)

I'm going to miss loads of things here; the people - my kind of people; the night walks; the runs; random (lovely) encounters and so much more.

February 16, 2012


Isn't it weird that I'm starting to feel like I'm the weirdest out of the bunch. The whole point of starting (this) over was to find, my inner self la kononnya. But I feel like I'm getting weirder to understand, and to keep track of things that I feel, sense, see. Whatever.
School has been fun, if not hectic. Thursday will always be the most hectic day out of the week but I enjoyed every moment of it nonetheless. I was late for my 3 PM class because I had impromptu meeting earlier on, and being me, I mean - the old me, I'd become so anal about it - it might just ruin my day, but to my surprise, I love catching up with myself. (and somewhat being fashionably late hihu).
Have you ever met someone that you find interesting and at the end of the day you find yourself googling about this person just to know more - or to make sure of things, not in a stalker kind of way (uhm which I know this statement contradicts the former, again, whatevs)?
Abah wants me home. But I don't want to go baaaaaaaaaack. :/

February 12, 2012

//48: The 54th.

I hope they'd bring back an award or two.

February 9, 2012


I think it would be interesting if our veins are purple, i mean deep, vibrant purple, so does our hair and our eyes but not our lips. Our lips will be pink as hell, no gloss/lipstick/lip stain needed to make it look fresh, and our nails are in perfectly painted-like deep purple and our feelings are purple too. Not gay per se- just, the color purple. And we see things in various kinds of yellow shades and grey and no less. We'll see rainbows in an unidentified color, but the color would be something you haven't see before, that you want to put a name to it but you can't afraid that it will destroy the beauty of it, but you want it to make it personal so you give it a personal name, not something that people would call it but you would feel at ease knowing you're making it yours, in a way. Albeit people are looking at it the same. The same. And then, when we found someone/something that we feel special to us, that thing/someone will burst into a different color altogether, not yellow, not grey, but a color that you like. Love, maybe. That color that you have given your personal name - no, not the rainbows, but something else. A color that you are sure nobody has laid an eye on it and then, at that moment, you feel fucking special. Because you've found your color. 
I should sleep. Or maybe read a page of this new book I just bought. (Not about colors. Obviously)

February 7, 2012

February 6, 2012


I had a really terrible weekend, I wasn’t being productive at all and from where I’m at, we’re having a 5-day long weekend starting from Friday and I know I should start working on my big project but I just havent found the momentum yet.
So today, I decided to follow a friend to some informal meeting regarding my project and I thought it would only last an hour or so, so I agreed to come with, but it turns out I had to be there for at least 4 hours with a total stranger (which I swear he was just wanted to get to know my friend - what’s new), and he kept forcing me to talk/to join in. I know he’s being courteous, but seriously after a while I feel like screaming.
I do not talk a lot on first meeting. It would take me at least a few hang out sessions, and that also depends whether or not i’m comfortable with you. It’s nothing personal, it is just how I roll. (And how I suck at socializing)
I’m a-okay if you want to flirt with my friend, by all means, please do so - but please leave me out of it. I’m a well adjusted wallflower. I even brought a book in case things like this happen.
I guess I was rude for not talking much, but I seriously don’t know what to talk about I’m still brushing up my social skills - why I say this? Because, I’m perfectly fine handling a class size crowd, if I know exactly what I’m dealing with, and on top of that, I love public speaking.
I need to talk more I guess? About petty stuff, I guess? That’s from my observations. Things like this just drain out my energy. I don’t even know why.

February 3, 2012


Darling, one of these days you'd realized the things you want most will eat you up inside, slowly.
There's a reason why things are as what they are and not as what you want it to be.
To tell you the truth, I want that apology but  deep down I know I won't ever get it, or if it happens, I will no longer want it.
So what's the point rushing things you, yourself, are uncertain of?
Sabar, tunggu cerita Allah.


FOSTER THE PEOPLE meets JAPAN!  名づけよう!~LET’S CALL IT WHATever YOU WANT! from FTPmeetsJPN on Vimeo.
This is just, oh you know, bunch of perfect humans. Nothing much. #fangirl
It's already February. 3 frikkin months to go till I bid this place good bye for good.

Scary super.
My SV is the shiznitz.