December 19, 2012


I don't know exactly how I come across to you guys (or do I even have a reader anymore? Idk)

But, I think I'm going downward spiral to my depression phase again.
I hate this.
I hate myself.
I hate what I've become.
I hate that I cannot control it.
I hate how affected I am by the smallest thing.
I hate the fact that I sometime wish to be hit by a moving vehicle and resulting to a serious injury or maybe death which means that would be my sole reason to just quit everything.

I hate the fact that adulthood makes me bitter.
Or maybe it made me to try less hard than usual.
And the fact that it actually make me feel sad.

And that I cannot cry.
And that I cannot share whatever I'm feeling/having/whatever to whoever I want because I'd sound totally helpless/hopeless and no one would understand either way.

I tried to talk it out, and the more I hear myself talk the more I hate whatever coming out of my mouth and the more I think people don't actually care. If they actually say that they do, it would be like.. 20% most of the time because I could not for the life of me explains whats been bothering me.

I hate that I get pissed off at almost everything. I almost, ALMOST lost my temper in the train just now. I just can't.


I seriously don't feel like living anymore.

December 11, 2012


I can't for the life of me get it WHY would you always make me feel like I'm the crappiest person on earth?
Whatever I do is not fucking enough for you. What the hell do you even want from me?
Do you have any idea how miserable you used to make me and how bad I was crawling out of it?
You cannot do that again, Nu-uh. Not to this new Dalila.

All I can be is bitter towards you. You killed me.
And I'm sorry that I'm not what you wanted me to be: Instant millionaire who throws money at you so you could send me some "prayer" so that I'd be "happy" in life.

FYI, I'm in this alone. I am always alone.
So spare me your stupid nonsensical speech, OK?

And you have never, ever, ever, ever made me happy.

December 2, 2012

Positive Thoughts #1.

I am a music nerd.
I like to be in control. I am in control.
I am a dreamer. I dream big.

I am in for something big, inshaAllah.