July 31, 2010

Many moons.

Hello love,
You've been busy so I thought I'll pen down a post just to let things that bother me out instead.
My first week so far has been rough, hard, and I haven't felt this lost in a long while. I'm at the brink of loosing what should've been mine, I know it'll sound silly in a few days... but it's killing me slowly now.

All I can think about is spending time with you. I'm thinking of going back to KL next week and we could have a movie date or something (since I haven't done that with you in awhile, kan?). I've been missing you a lot lately (what's new la kan) but couldn't be bothered to attend to that feeling since everything is so messed up now.

Happy 3rd year and 9th months. I love you.
--

On the lighter note, I want to watch Inception so bad. JGL looks hot and if he ever date Page, i'd totally ship them. They are SO cute together!

July 28, 2010

Rant Series #3: Geekrant.

This post contain useless rants that I need to vent out. Read on only if you have some free time to spare.

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(i) I was once so used with Windows platform that I put up with all its antiques and its slowness. But now I can't. I can't even stand looking at this stupid stick thin font WinXP decided to use when I don't install the stupid, ughhhh hard to install plugins. WTF. I lived with Windows my whole life, and you give me bullpoop. Awesome.
(ii) Okay, since we're talking geek language, I'm thinking of taking ABAP this semester just because I think it'll lessen my 3rd year coursework. At first I was given three options for my major - Database, E-Bizznez, and KM, and today I got to know that I can only take up either E-bizz or KM. FML. Agak ugh disitu [/ugh]. So okay, I went to the timetable thingamajiggy and it shows 3 long hours of lecture and lab, back to back. Um, okay? -_-
(iii) Second day of semester has been hell. Too many subjects clashing with each other and I kinda hated myself for being lazyass for not doing the re-re-recheckings on the timetable that results in dropping my beloved (core) Econs. Sigh.
(iv) Which leads me to three core subjects during my 3rd year of which of course will be awesomely filled with MAJOR and FYPs (YAY/sarcasm). So I have to take one of my fave minor subject to date down. Boo!
(v) Echofon for Firefox memang sucks donkeyballs. Tak user friendly langsung (or maybe aku kena develop another twitter tool yang menepati cita rasa? Maybe.)

--

But okay, it's only the second day. I hope it gets better because I really need rainbows for the next two weeks. Not poop, definitely not that.

--
Ya Allah, permudahkan urusanku. Berikan yang terbaik untukku. Jika itu yang terbaik, permudahkan perjalanan urusanku. Berikan aku kekuatan sebanyak mungkin untuk mengharungi minggu add drop yang amat menakutkan ini. Let the right ones in, let the wrong ones go. Amin, amin, ya rabbal a'lamin.

July 26, 2010

.

Rasa macam haram tak pegi. :'(

July 18, 2010

:) I'm happy :)


Kadang-kadang aku tertanya-tanya jugak, kenapa, bila something extremely good happen to me dan aku macam nak celebrate benda tu sebab it deserves to be celebrated, masa hari yang aku decide nak be happy and just enjoy the moment, at the end mesti ada benda yang paling palat akan jadi. Macam hek eleh penat je aku happy kalau aku tahu nanti mesti aku sedih tahap dewa punya. Faham tak?

Macam... baik aku berterima kasih kat Allah and live my life the way it is and tak payah la nak gedik gedik celebrate apa bagai sebab kalau benda happy tu jadi, dia jadi kejap je, and aku ni memang dilahirkan tak patut celebrate apa-apa dengan siapa-siapa, not even my close ones, sebab aku patut celebrate sorang-sorang berkelubung tadah tangan berterima kasih yang amat pada yang Satu itu.

Bukan tak bersyukur doh, cuma aku tak faham. Sedih, more likely. Sebab apa yang jadi hari ini serious tak terlintas langsung dalam otak ni akan jadi macam ni. Sigh.
(via -bears)
Rasa hancur gila.

July 16, 2010

3:13AM

It's 3 already and I have yet to decide to fast or not today (technically, it's already Friday- ), fiddled around with this software that has been ages pre-installed in Jagger [1] - which I miraculously found out how to finally fully utilize it (still learning tho-), results are out but I haven't got the chance to see mine yet due to minor difficulties - I have to call up finance tomorrow and find out what's up with my result and why it can't be released yet like everyone else because I settled all the fees before the final examinations. Oh, panjang berjelanya introduction... So here it is, tak tahulah kenapa lately kalau nak poyo-poyo record something mesti I'll save it as [insertrandomfoodnamehere].mp3. -.- I guess me and food can't be separated at all.

Trix.

Tak sedap pun ye, tapi saja bosan sebab penat menunggu last-last tak jadi apa. Memang saja bagi suspens lebih :( Haih, macam mana lah agaknya result yang ini, serious takut gila sebab semester yang ini macam penentu segala-gala lah, I've mentioned in a post few while back and I can have ridiculous anxiety attacks just because of this. Seriously, I think, aku memang takut nak deal dengan orang-orang atasan, bukan takut saja saja ye, memang fobia gila - aku pernah kena panic attack due to one assignment that needed me to do an interview and the only person I can think of at that moment was my friend's dad which is also some CEO in Utusan. Egh, disturbing pulak bila fikir balik. So kalau result aku teruk, I don't know how to impress them with just my CV. Gila tak. Dulu masa buat intern dekat this big ass company [2] in KL, pun agak menakutkan masa kena interview, aku tak tahu macam mana they decided to attach me to the company. Maybe sebab aku je yang rajin buat follow up kot? [3]

I think I should get some sleep and maybe bangun for sahur, maybe.
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[1] Totally derived from Ke$ha's TikTok yang ada part Mick Jagger tapi aku tukar sikit jadi Mac Jagger ha ha.
[2] Kerja dia senang je pun, takut je lebih. Company multinational, tapi aku rasa dekat Malaysia yang paling kecik and paling banyak deal dengan other countries, so not fair man. Server down sikit, kita kena. Tapi paling relax bila server down sebab bukan line aku hahah.
[3]Memang ikut betul Interviews for Dummies. Aku memang sore loser sikit bab-bab ni, dan skema yang amat.

July 15, 2010

Epal II

Sayang, jangan lagi ya? Tolonggg. Tak boleh hidup pakai mouse dan platform yang itu, tak poyo, cuma lupa, dan tak mahu ingat. Tolong ya, jangan. Tempat servis kamu itu jauh yang amat.
--
Aku baru sedar yang kita boleh buat unedited movie guna mata dan sebarang dua lagu instrumental konon-konon jadi soundtrack unedited movie itu tadi. Seronok sebab tadi cuaca mellow yang amat, hujan renyai, tapi aku kat dalam lrt diselimuti aircond yang agak menggila hari ini. I don't know why I decided to wear my thinnest shirt when it is not even that sunny. Tak apa, precaution. Biasa la tu, kita merancang Tuhan menentukan. He he.

Sumpah hari ni cuaca superb gila, dah lama tak berada under that kind of weather, macam jatuh cinta dekat Allah lagi dan lagi ♥ MashaAllah. Tadi ada this one guy, kinda good looking jugak, berdiri betul-betul depan aku and he kept replaying that annoying Akon and David Guetta's song about sexy girl (?) over and over again. Mula mula macam nak perasan and take it as a compliment, but then rasa menyampah hahah, oh my god gila bimbo aku. (abaikan please, thanks)

Dulu aku suka judge orang based on their music preferences dan selalunya apa yang aku judge tu betul. Tapi sekarang, bila aku sendiri dah tak ada haluan on what kind of music I listen to aku rasa cam gila poyo doh aku dulu. Sigh. I wish life is that simple. Judge music orang -> suka -> boleh gang -> kawan -> share music. Senang kan?

Aku serious dah tak reti nak bersosial, balik balik muka samaaaaa je (okay no offense lah people! You'd get what I mean kan if you are my true friend :-p)

(?) I'm not much of Akon's fan, but I kinda like David Guetta.

July 13, 2010

Myo OCK - Deeper Conversation cover
Teringat pulak dulu masa OCK sibuk-sibuk nak launch their debut album, Yunalis sibuk-sibuk buat Polaroid versi mellow yang sampai sekarang kalau dengar memang feel dia lain macam sikit (though, I love both version TBH). And now, a few weeks before Yunalis sibuk-sibuk nak launch debut album, Myo pulak cover her song. :') I just feel proud of my fav girl at this moment, although - I am not sure whether I'll be at her album launching. It has been 4 good years for you, fruitful I might say.

Sorry if I could not make it, I know I once said I'll be the first few to own your CD, well, hm. Kita merancang tuhan menentukan right? (Pfft okay I emo now :(). Many congratulations and good luck for your future babe :-), I love you.

July 12, 2010

Post-FIFA

(via sugarspun)
I think this is sweet. I am not a true blue football follower whatsoever since I cannot understand the game (pfft lame I know -) but somehow I can stay for a full 45 minutes for the final (teehee, LAMER). Though I was kinda rooting for the Oranje team (they look fun on the field -- (okay, getting super lame but whatever), I think Casillas is one hot perfect goalie. :-D

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July 8, 2010

Psssssst..

This supposed to be a secret, secret enough to let my readers know about it (which I know not much, and unrelated with what I'm going to say anyway tee hee). And yes, I'm aware of the fact that I said no more update, but since it's 2:20AM and I cannot do anything about it, let's just ignore that for awhile shall we?

--

Saya rasa saya dah tolak orang jauh-jauh, be it yang rapat atau tak, sampai satu tahap yang mana saya rasa saya dah cukup alone. It used to be my privilege, and now it's something I dread. Saya tak tahu kenapa tapi saya mahu begitu, for awhile, but not anymore. Saya tak tahu apa saya betul-betul nak sekarang ni dan saya tak tahu kenapa perlu rasa depress dan stress out sangat tentang hal ni. :/ Oh well, there you go.

July 7, 2010

Epal.

You know, it's not that I don't like you, matter of fact is, I am in love with you. But you've been a problem for awhile now and I'm in no position to fix you. I was so happy when I got to hold you in my hands again.. and that was two weeks ago. SERIOUSLY? Now you're flickering?

What the hell dude. So not cool. You know how much it cost to send you in again? And how tired it is? I have zilch money and now this. THANK GOD I'm still under warranty (which I have to extend for another two years from the look of it and it'll cost me another 900++). I had hope and dreams and faith in you, and you pay me with this?

:( SO not cool Apple. I love you still though, gonna send you in again tomorrow. So no update until then.

--

:(

July 5, 2010

Hypophrenia

Have you ever felt that way at one point of your time? I'm sure most of you have. It came, and it left, then it came again, messing up with my mind. Which sucks to the core, if I would say so. I've been feeling neglected and alone for awhile now but weird thing is, I'm surrounded by people whom I hold dear to me & vice versa. It's like when I'm with them I'm watching a whole 2-hour movie and felt everything for a moment, and the next, all I feel is... blah.
--
I'm not being ungrateful or anything near to that, god forbid, but back when my life was a big mess I could sense and feel every single thing, every pain there is and I almost could correctly pinpoint on whatthefuck had gone wrong and I feel alive just knowing that I've gotten out of everything, well, alive and kickin'. All I'm saying is that, when you hit rock bottom you're reminded to move forward so life could feel better for you and you appreciates everyone around but when things get okay, everything just stopped moving. Idle. Stagnant. And then they became mundane, and I wanted something else, but I don't know what.

I wanted to be more, I wanted more. I keep wanting more, which I know if I ever gotten what I wanted, it would never satisfies me one bit. I keep comparing myself/my life to others and then sulk about it which is not healthy (note to self). Not healthy at all. I feel like life has taken me for granted, and there you go I blame life for this, and not vice versa. See? Not making any sense whatsoever.

I don't like what I've become. I push people away. Pushed/am pushing, whichever relevant now. Deep inside, I'm hating everything and this shouldn't be normal right? It's a crime to be normal if I kept feeling this way.

I just. I don't know how to describe my outlook on everything now.

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July 3, 2010

Of driving-and-sing-a-long(s).

I love to drive and sing. Literally sing my heart out. If I own a car I would so do my own playlist solely for driving purposes, that's how much I love it. In a way, it's therapeutic. Sad though, that most of the songs now... just contain pure crap to its core. :-/ I'm picky when it comes to songs to sing along to since it brings meaning in one way or another. Call me poyo/whatever because I stopped giving twofucks.

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July 1, 2010

Dudes and dudettes, it's effin July already? Whoah.

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I feel like we're only getting to April, twentyten you move too fast, slowwww down!
Y'know, I felt like I was having a mild heart attack when I saw today's date. I'm so lost in counting dates nowadays up to a point it's kinda creepy. Like, hello, 7 months already? What have I done during those 7 months ~ I didn't feel like I've completed my first year at all, in fact, I feel like I'm just starting uni and still learning faces.

I have this ~ "A year ago..." ~ reminisce moments going on whenever it reaches the first of the month, and surprisingly I reflect a lot on 2009 now. How my life changed so much from last year, yet I didn't feel like I'm living the twentyten yet, not even a bit.

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Holy guacamole!