October 31, 2010


Dah macam binary code pulak title entry ni, lol. Anyhoo, dah masuk first day of November, how time flies, laju sangat. Lagi sebulan lagi nak internship and then setahun lagi nak habis (insyaAllah), huuu scary.

Honestly, I don't want to leave this place, at least not yet. Tolak tepi assignments, tests and exams yang susah gila, this place is awesome really. I admit aku balik every weekend (now kurang sikit sebab nak final dah), but I am not dreading to come back here again when I needed to, totally 180 masa aku kat kolej lama dulu. Last month aku ada cakap pasal nak make do with everything I have so that takde la so in the dump sangat. October macam banyak main dengan feelings yang aku malas nak attend, yang aku tak sangka will happen anyways, so macam agak suck sikit. But October jugak ada banyak memories yang aku tak nak lupa.

Last Friday was awesome. Azlan & The typewriter was here, and to be honest, aku tak keep up sangat dengan this band, nama pun aku baru tahu malam tu, lol, but yeah, they played Lagu Untukmu which bring back the 2006 in me. Harhar. Tetiba rindu, but yeah Lan pun cakap there are no more gigs/events like that anymore nowadays. Sigh sharing session sekejap. To be honest, aku miss rasa macamtu. (Though being at the seats most of the time defeat the purpose, baik ajak Raihan datang, aku lagi suka duduk dan tengok). Yang buat Friday awesome bukan event yang jungle residence buat, it just that, malam tu aku tunggu a call (yeah Imma loser like that), tapi tak dapat. So agak sedih. But then budak-budak ni plan pergi Ipoh so I tagged along. T'was fun. Balik pukul 5 pagi lepas main games yang tak masuk akal and funny.

Benda jadi seronok bila kita tolak tepi natural instinct nak judge orang and just accept them as who they are. Even lepasni maybe takkan berani lagi nak jadi macam malam tu. Aku pelik sikit, bila sedih je nak go all out. Gila kejap. Dah tak sedih jadi kembali reserved. Huhu. Diorang cakap muka aku hostile? Mwahah, best yet so far!


4 tahun tu lama jugak. Tapi rasa macam banyak benda tak tahu lagi, sebab every year kita deal dengan kita yang dah berubah, tapi kita tetap stay. Let's keep it this way and keep learning, shall we? 143.

October 29, 2010

A letter to you.

Okay I've been keeping in touch with my past (indirectly) lately, and tonight I went all out. If I can write a letter to my younger self circa 2004-2006, this would be it.

Dear D,
I am from the future, do not freak out as you won't be able to read this until today anyways. I feel like I need to let you know how I feel about you (myself) looking back on things. First of all, you need to know this: your life was fucked up. Crazy shit. I am thankful now that I am normal. More normal than I/you ever were. Alhamdulillah.

I guess, at one point of our lives, people act weird. I mean, weird weird. I mean, what the hell, I/you got rejected but wanted by the same person at the same time. That was twisted. And, few shit happens, which, darling D, i pity you a whole lot. Hm.

One thing I admire most about you is how well you were with people. Where the hell the old me/you go? Gosh, I miss feeling like that. I/you can just talk to strangers from hours to end minus the awkwardness, can I just tell you that you are awesome? (Y). I suck at meeting new people now, I guess when I was you, I tried to find a littlest bit to love in everybody. Now I'm too cynical I guess. Thing is D, you've changed A LOT. Thanks to all those people too. Remember there this one person telling you that you blame everything on people except you? Well, I guess yeah I take that part in and thanks, I don't anymore. :)

I was taken aback when I came to a point where someone gave you his number. I mean, what was that all about? Talk about mixed signals please! Lol, life just been a bit mundane since you left, 2004 - 2006 werent my best years.

You were, enthusiastic... about everything, which I find very good. I lack in that department now. Who the hell care what language I learn anyways? You. Ah, where does the good go, eh? There's a part of you that I miss, really. But I pick up new things along the way thanks to you.

Oh! OH! How can I forget all about me/you being buddy buddy with fav girl and N? OMG girl you surprise me with your guts. If I were you now I won't do such things and fav girl wouldn't know that I exist. Thank you for letting your guts hanging like that. Not classy per se, but helpful in a way. LOL! Though N has forgotten all about me now, but that's okay. :)

What I'm trying to say is, you were so in the dump as you pictured it, but it wasn't all that bad. You got few things that I lack now. And I think, this too, whatever phase I am, shall pass.

Yours truly,
Gambar hiasan: Hai D circa 2004 - 2006, I am you now.

October 25, 2010

F5: Defrag: Tuning.

Cakap pasal tuning, aku rasa dah lupa macam mana nak buat database tuning, omg. This shouldn't happen really. Anyways, sorry aku dah jarang update panjang panjang sebab nak kejar final dah ni. Rabu ada submission, progress baru 20%, die ok, die.

Dulu masa dip aku rasa nak cari internship placement adalah benda yang paling menyusahkan, nak kena call, buat follow up, hantar resume apa bagai tu belum masuk part kena reject kaw kaw sebab orang tak tahu nama kolej aku. Nasib baik aku dapat buat kat satu mnc ni, nasib memang baik. Tempat tu pun aku tak apply, nasib memang baik.

Tapi kat sini, ya Allah, aku rasa tak payah susah susah call ke rajin-rajin nak apply ke sebab confirm akan dapat. Boleh buat pilihan lagi, ikut je hati nak yang mana (though hati tengah pening sebab semua suka wthell weh, manusia memang tak bersyukur kan? Aku, especially)

Minggu ni dan minggu depan will look like this:
  • 27/10 : IPM submission
  • 28/10: CF submission
  • 02/11: ADS, CF, BISTAT tests back-to-back, doakan aku dapat hidup the next day.
(aku tak tahu nak study mana satu dulu seriously)
  • 03/11: Presentation IPM, SBE test
  • 04/11: SBE submission
Saja letak so bila aku mengada nak update, takde la terlagha nak buat benda lain. Study weh D, study!

Hari Jumaat lepas memang hari yang terbaik. Lepas dapat markah corot, malam tu aku all out. Tak menang pun, but I had fun. First performance ever. Aku dulu selalu berangan nak perform but I don't have the guts, so after yeaaaars, akhirnya. Aku suka. Malam habiskan onion ring sambil borak benda yang tak masuk akal dengan adik-adik (yang macam seumur aku), memang lepas tension habis. Alhamdulillah.
Bila benda tak ada depan mata baru nak sayang. Baru nak cari balik. Baru nak simpan elok elok. Esok lusa benda tu datang balik, aku confirm aku tak rasa apa, kau hilang pun aku tak kisah. (Ok, not really, jangan hilang please? Main hide and seek tak apa, ok sayang? :) )

October 22, 2010

Update: Worst Test Marks Ever.


Bodoh bodoh bodoh bodoh bodoh bodoh bodoh bodoh.
Bila nak jadi pandai pandai pandai pandai pandai pandai pandai pandai pandai pandai pandai ni?

Harap sedih sekarang dapat compensate happy malam nanti.

October 20, 2010

Rant Series #4: Salah sendiri.

Semalam masa semua orang sibuk-sibuk balik KL (okay, dari isnin malam, mungkin) nak tengok si Yelyah belting out with her band (sobs! :(), aku sibuk study/practice (more towards practice).

Semalam masa semua orang sibuk-sibuk terpekik-pekik dekat Bkt Jalil, aku sibuk buat apa tah kat bilik.

Mood serious nak study start pukul 12 tengah malam. Konon saja nak kasi feel lebih study on 20102010. Pastu tidur pukul 4 pagi. Dari pukul 12 tu, rasanya dalam 10% je masuk.

Harini aku jawab test, punya tekan-tekan calculator, guna table apa bagai, yang paling tak boleh blah siap mintak masa lebih. Last-last dapat 9 je. 9 je out of 20. Bodoh piang aku nih!

Padan muka ang D, dok buat perangai lagu ni lagi, padan mukaaaaaa!

Nanti final kau dapat C, masakkk ar.

October 17, 2010


Yep. First ever youtube upload. Of me.

I did a cover of one of my favourite songs and please, please don't laugh.

October 11, 2010

Today I..

So today I got an emergency sms from Abah telling me to call him right away whenever I got the time. I gave him that call and t'was about my brother decided to play truant today, and Abah has been suspicious since morning. Thing is, if I were my brother, I'll go to school whenever I want to. That was me. Abah never cared about me not going to school, but it is a different case now I suppose.

So, S is in big trouble because Abah told me what he would do if what his suspicions are true. Y'know, thats not the first time S decided to bail out of school, I used to be the culprit behind it (yes, I know bad sister, but hey -), and if Abah finds out the reason why I've been acting so calm about this, I am officially. dead.

I gave S a call, telling him to do thing that he thinks right. I dont know. Sigh. I hope he'd do the right thing and leave me out of this (yes, again, bad sister :P). S lied to me and I know he was lying, I am his sister after all. Boys, seriously, if you're reading this, I can detect that you are lying in an instance, I have that gift. So save your sorry ass and stop lying for effin sake, CAPICHE?

I don;t know why I even let this be known. I guess, when the time is right and I already have a family of my own and I'm having this problem where my kids don't let me in their lives, I'll have this as a guide. And Abah, if you're reading this... we're so used of not coming to school. Especially me. So, I am sorry. Hu hu.

October 6, 2010

Awak, awak tak boleh buat saya macam ni. Saya tak sekuat awak. Tolong, jangan buat macam ni. Saya tak kuat.

October 4, 2010


I feel more at night than I do at day. Have you ever felt that way?
Kadang-kadang aku rasa Allah ciptakan malam untuk kita nurse diri kita, yang kadang-kadang masa siang kita ni tak ada langsung nak fikir pasal apa yang kita dah buat, apa kita rasa, apa kita dah accomplish.

Aku rasa waktu malam adalah masa yang paling magical dalam sehari. Sebab bila malam, I feel close towards everything, towards myself, towards my family, towards my Creator. Dan masa malam jugak lah aku akan rasa benda-benda yang kadang-kadang crappy, tapi aku kena rasa. That what makes me human. What makes us human.

Sekarang dah bulan Oktober, aku dah janji dengan diri yang bulan ini will be the best out of the best October I've ever lived. Saja. I feel like I need to accomplish more, and feel less. Tolak tepi benda-benda yang tak sepatutnya and be content with what I have and will have.

Aku pernah baca somewhere yang setiap inci tubuh kita sentiasa berubah in the past 6 months. Siapa aku pada April lepas bukan aku yang sekarang. I'm renewed.

These changes, better be worth it.