July 5, 2010

Hypophrenia

Have you ever felt that way at one point of your time? I'm sure most of you have. It came, and it left, then it came again, messing up with my mind. Which sucks to the core, if I would say so. I've been feeling neglected and alone for awhile now but weird thing is, I'm surrounded by people whom I hold dear to me & vice versa. It's like when I'm with them I'm watching a whole 2-hour movie and felt everything for a moment, and the next, all I feel is... blah.
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I'm not being ungrateful or anything near to that, god forbid, but back when my life was a big mess I could sense and feel every single thing, every pain there is and I almost could correctly pinpoint on whatthefuck had gone wrong and I feel alive just knowing that I've gotten out of everything, well, alive and kickin'. All I'm saying is that, when you hit rock bottom you're reminded to move forward so life could feel better for you and you appreciates everyone around but when things get okay, everything just stopped moving. Idle. Stagnant. And then they became mundane, and I wanted something else, but I don't know what.

I wanted to be more, I wanted more. I keep wanting more, which I know if I ever gotten what I wanted, it would never satisfies me one bit. I keep comparing myself/my life to others and then sulk about it which is not healthy (note to self). Not healthy at all. I feel like life has taken me for granted, and there you go I blame life for this, and not vice versa. See? Not making any sense whatsoever.

I don't like what I've become. I push people away. Pushed/am pushing, whichever relevant now. Deep inside, I'm hating everything and this shouldn't be normal right? It's a crime to be normal if I kept feeling this way.

I just. I don't know how to describe my outlook on everything now.

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5 comments:

abbey said...

i know how you feel! i get like this all the time. i just didn't know if anyone else felt the same way!

D.A. said...

abbey,
good to know that I'm not alone. I feel like it's not normal and I don't know whether people would understand what I'm trying to say coz it sucks, having that feeling.

Anonymous said...

hypophrenia actually means "mentally retarded." i'm not kidding, google it.

D.A. said...

oh wow thanks anon.

came across this picture here and I thought "I'm feeling this way right now", didnt bother to find out the true meaning of it.

Anonymous said...

this actually says lypophrenia