May 30, 2010


I just realized something. I put off replying comments, texts and brief catching ups until I totally have forgotten that they wanted to talk, just mostly because I don't know what to reply or to say appropriate things to it when this happen.

For instance, an old buddy from high school *I* added on FB dropped by my wall, said Hi and wanted to know how I've been (most probably because I didn't make the first move of catching things up? and IDEK if it was genuine or not or just for the sake of cukupkan syarat), so I decided to reply once I feel comfortable enough to have a short chat.

But I never replied, and today it's her birthday. I just feel like I am reminded... and that is all.


Peringkat lima – Setelah melalui beberapa fasa susah-senang, timbul rasa ambil berat dan belas kasihan. Dalam fasa yang paling payah, sudut diri kita yang paling hodoh akan terdedah. Waktu ini, teman yang rapat akan cuba cari persamaan dan tumpu pada kebaikan kita. Jika sayangnya banyak, dia akan jumpa. Jika sayangnya sedikit, dia takkan jumpa. Dia paling celik pada keburukan kita, pada perbezaan di antara, dan (secara sedar atau tidak) mula menimbal sama ada mahu menjauh atau tidak. Di peringkat ini, kalau kita ditinggalkan teman rapat, hampanya setanding putus cinta. Dan kita belajar betapa luasnya konsep rejection.

*Ambil nota bahawa ini bukan soal siapa baik-siapa jahat, atau siapa betul-siapa salah. Ini soal pilihan. Yang mana kita semua berhak. Jika kita tidak dipilih, bukan bermaksud dia sial atau kita sial. Ia bermakna kita emas bagi orang lain.

Peringkat enam – Tinggallah teman yang sebenar. Teman yang sebati dengan kita. Terima kita, peluk kita tanpa banyak soal. Matanya sudah menjangkau cacat kita. Melihat kita sebagai kita. Titik.

Ini aku. Jadi, kalau kau masih mahu aku, ambillah. Aku cuma di sini pada yang mahu.

(via WRD)


Tahap paling membencikan ialah tahap kelima. Tahap aku selalu tersangkut dan di-reject berulang-ulang tanpa belas kasihan. Aku dulu vulnerable orangnya, tapi sekarang tidak lagi. Patut ucapkan setinggi-tinggi penghargaan pada bekas-bekas kawan.

Ada yang tinggalkan bertahun, kemudian datang balik. Yang akan datang bila diperlukan. That's nice, we're not bffs or some sort but just, there, for each other - no string attached. Kalau kena reject lagi, no hal sebab dah pernah kena teruk.

One thing you should know about me - I can be your friendliest friend, and I can be a bitch too. The time I needed a friend the most is when I'm being a bitch and sadly that's when people decides to leave. And left me bitter.

May 26, 2010

End of Year 1

One year ago today, I wouldn't have dream about continuing my degree. I just finished my practical training and was waiting for my diploma to end(oh, and that reminds me of something important)

Huge fight commenced somewhere around this time a year ago that breaks my heart but it has brought me peace now. Alhamdulillah. You know what's cool when you get something unexpected from your effort? It is just... indescribable. At first I was certain I wasn't belong here, but the longer I stay the more things seem fitting with me, and everything, which is... again, indescribable. I'm like in this small small world of its own, that amazes me more often than not. I love being here.

The people here is just amazing. You won't find this type of people in the real world (well, I guess, my kind of real world) and yeah, I envy them. I envy every single thing about them - their innocence, their faith, their intelligence. Every single thing. MashaAllah. It gave me a new hope to move forward, that I deserve to get what I want. InshaAllah.

Year 1 for me is indescribable in a good way.

May 20, 2010

Stumbl #1: Rizza Cabrera

I'm gonna make a series of cool people I met on the internet (being an avid stalker that I am - yep) and it'll be under the Stumbl tag - just coz I want it like that. It'll be much more awesome if you could drop me a few recommendations cause I feel so out of touch of what's what.


Found about this awesome lil missy here from a friend. From what I know, she's a Filipino and taking architecture and still have time pen down some mellowed down guitar numbers. And she's.. well, I wish I knew what her age is, but I bet she's younger than me... that makes her double awesome. (OK, I love sayin' awesome, OK?)

I think all Filipinos have creative blood inherited from their ancestors or something, no kid. Not to mention pretty too, sigh. Rizza is also well-known for her covers duet with her model sister, Raleene.

I dig all of her covers.

This is her latest cover, if I'm not mistaken. Regina Spektor - Us' cover.
Take a listen:

Get more of her:

May 19, 2010

Rant Series: Things that equivalent to stupidity

Sometimes I think I made this blog just to rant. Lol, I'm not that negative upfront but a girl gotta rant when she's gotta rant, yeah? (K, totally made that up - moving on!) SO:
  • I don't get it how you can afford to have your own food stall and cannot afford to give out small change and have the cheek to ask your customer (RUDELY) to get his/her own small changes.
  • How, insensitive and busy body can you get to your customer? When I don't want to answer your stupid irrelevant questions it just means this: I just don't wanna have any communication whatsoever with you. Thanks. (Really,because the food stall owner just ruined my mood and you there, without thinking have the cheek to ask me this "Mesti abang tu suruh tukar duit kan? Adik takde duit kecik lagi ke? Besarnye duit?") Dude, I do what I want with MY money, OK?
  • And this Paki stall I swore to boycott not so long ago just proved me right. That they don't deserve my money AT ALL. Too bad there's small variations as to where I can get my food. The heck. Stupid immigrants. (They're not Pakistanis I presume, they look and talk like a Bangaldeshi - I'm pissed so, hope none of you all 'immigrants' offended - if any)
  • I just couldn't wait to get my feet on my hometown dirt. Seriously, exams? Pfft.
p/s: The ONLY nice thing that happen at the end of the day is finding RM 1.50 Kickapoo Joy Juice in a glass bottle. Yep, glass bottle up there. I feel so vintage (-LOL, but yeah really)

May 16, 2010

A couple of billionaire roaming the lower east side

(via travie)

This thing need a killer dose of awesome people. Travis McCoy is my dream, husband. And Bruno Mars has the nicest voice I ever took a listen to, in a while.

I'm losing myself

much faster than I thought I was.

May 15, 2010


It just came to me that, I'll be doing my 8-month internship on January 2011, and I knowwww there are at least 6 months left to go and live with whatever I'm doing right now, but I have to decide on which company I wish to do my internship at. I've done once, when I was taking my diploma and to be quite honest, I didn't feel this restless.

I am not one of the best students here, I am not in the DL, I am nobody here. Which scares me cause I have *might* actually decided on this particular big company, but I chickened out. My pointer just screams average and that is all. I'm actually quite amazed on the fact that *I*'ve gotten in this place on my own. That, I actually went through college and graduated with 4.0 but barely make it 3.5 here. I'm scared shitless!

The ONLY way I can think of right now is get myself a 3.74 pointer for this semester and I know I'm taking only 15 credit hour but the syllabuses aren't something you can kid around. They. are. maderfaker. hard. -______________-"
I hope whatever I'm doing right now, with every notes, every short-hands, every attendance and time I spent on the subjects are worth it. Pls pls pls pls, I need to be in that company! NEED.


And, registration for the new semester has just opened today. I guess I'll be taking minor subjects and the hell I do not know which to choose! I've been to one of the minor class under corporate management (My program has the option to choose between Corporate Management or Financial Management jsyk), and it was really an eye-opener as to how little I know about business, and the worse part is, I cannot see I'm acing that class.

But I wanted to take up corp mgmt, and not financial related just cause I think I can do it better than the other. But yeah, dude I don't know cause I've been to one of the classes and I don't think I can, so I really don't know. I know I'm being such a whiny bitch right now but I seriously feel unsettled and need to get this out of my chest.

Clock is ticking fast and so many big decisions need to be made at the end of June. What. Why.

Ugh. Growing up IS hard.


Everyone seems like a responsible young adult now, travelling back and forth visiting their parents, and getting hitched here and there. They are making me feel like I'm stuck in my highschool years. Tsk.

May 1, 2010

Congratulations, girl.