.

I don't know exactly how I come across to you guys (or do I even have a reader anymore? Idk)

But, I think I'm going downward spiral to my depression phase again.
I hate this.
I hate myself.
I hate what I've become.
I hate that I cannot control it.
I hate how affected I am by the smallest thing.
I hate the fact that I sometime wish to be hit by a moving vehicle and resulting to a serious injury or maybe death which means that would be my sole reason to just quit everything.

I hate the fact that adulthood makes me bitter.
Or maybe it made me to try less hard than usual.
And the fact that it actually make me feel sad.

And that I cannot cry.
And that I cannot share whatever I'm feeling/having/whatever to whoever I want because I'd sound totally helpless/hopeless and no one would understand either way.

I tried to talk it out, and the more I hear myself talk the more I hate whatever coming out of my mouth and the more I think people don't actually care. If they actually say that they do, it would be like.. 20% most of the time because I could not for the life of me explains whats been bothering me.


I hate that I get pissed off at almost everything. I almost, ALMOST lost my temper in the train just now. I just can't.

HOW DO YOU GUYS SURVIVE? HOW DO YOU LIVE? TELL ME HOW BECAUSE ALL I WANNA DO NOW IS QUIT.

I seriously don't feel like living anymore.