Hypophrenia

(via letsgobananas)

Have you ever felt that way at one point of your time? I'm sure most of you have. It came, and it left, then it came again, messing up with my mind. Which sucks to the core, if I would say so. I've been feeling neglected and alone for awhile now but weird thing is, I'm surrounded by people whom I hold dear to me & vice versa. It's like when I'm with them I'm watching a whole 2-hour movie and felt everything for a moment, and the next, all I feel is... blah.

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I'm not being ungrateful or anything near to that, god forbid, but back when my life was a big mess I could sense and feel every single thing, every pain there is and I almost could correctly pinpoint on whatthefuck had gone wrong and I feel alive just knowing that I've gotten out of everything, well, alive and kickin'. All I'm saying is that, when you hit rock bottom you're reminded to move forward so life could feel better for you and you appreciates everyone around but when things get okay, everything just stopped moving. Idle. Stagnant. And then they became mundane, and I wanted something else, but I don't know what.

I wanted to be more, I wanted more. I keep wanting more, which I know if I ever gotten what I wanted, it would never satisfies me one bit. I keep comparing myself/my life to others and then sulk about it which is not healthy (note to self). Not healthy at all. I feel like life has taken me for granted, and there you go I blame life for this, and not vice versa. See? Not making any sense whatsoever.

I don't like what I've become. I push people away. Pushed/am pushing, whichever relevant now. Deep inside, I'm hating everything and this shouldn't be normal right? It's a crime to be normal if I kept feeling this way.

I just. I don't know how to describe my outlook on everything now.

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Of driving-and-sing-a-long(s).

I love to drive and sing. Literally sing my heart out. If I own a car I would so do my own playlist solely for driving purposes, that's how much I love it. In a way, it's therapeutic. Sad though, that most of the songs now... just contain pure crap to its core. :-/ I'm picky when it comes to songs to sing along to since it brings meaning in one way or another. Call me poyo/whatever because I stopped giving twofucks.

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Dudes and dudettes, it's effin July already? Whoah.

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I feel like we're only getting to April, twentyten you move too fast, slowwww down!

Y'know, I felt like I was having a mild heart attack when I saw today's date. I'm so lost in counting dates nowadays up to a point it's kinda creepy. Like, hello, 7 months already? What have I done during those 7 months ~ I didn't feel like I've completed my first year at all, in fact, I feel like I'm just starting uni and still learning faces.

I have this ~ "A year ago..." ~ reminisce moments going on whenever it reaches the first of the month, and surprisingly I reflect a lot on 2009 now. How my life changed so much from last year, yet I didn't feel like I'm living the twentyten yet, not even a bit.

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Holy guacamole!